negative space…

20150803_113616I’m leaving some space today.  I have constantly filled my time lately.  And just decided to leave a gap.  To take a break,  a breath,  just sigh for a moment.
To enjoy the peace and quiet.

Why do we constantly fill our days with noise?  Are we afraid of what our minds will say when they’re free to fill that space? Do we hate the quiet?  Are we afraid of what thoughts will arise?
While I was an art major, we talked of negative space almost as much as positive space. Negative space is the space between. It is that pause in music before it builds to the powerful chorus or crescendo. That moment in a play or musical where it gives time to let things sink in to the audience. Fill the space with thought. To let the weight of the words that were just said, hang in the air.

To pause, to think, to ponder, to rest.

In art, they talk of the way the eye moves across and through a piece. Negative space allows the viewer’s eye to rest. It gives shape and meaning to things going on in the forefront. It gives borders and boundaries. It’s not nothing. It’s as important as the positive space. And ironically, although called negative, it’s not negative at all. It’s necessary. It’s what allows us to appreciate what’s going on in the composition, in the piece of artwork itself.
All I know is that today was not long enough and tomorrow will be back to the grind,  but for today……     Taking a deep breath……  Letting my mind rest in the pauses and breaks before life comes back to a full crescendo.



Oh ye of little faith….   Why had that been the constant message in my mind lately? Do I really have no faith? 
I have hope… 
What is faith anyway?  How do we grow it? 

Checking the dictionary definition. Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.    Wow!  Complete trust. 

Have I ever felt complete trust?  Is that normal? 


Don’t take these awesome souls for granted.  Those who wander in your life and put up with your quirkiness and weirdness.  That accept you for who your are but challenge you to be the best version of yourself.  Those who you know if it weren’t for them you wouldn’t try half the stuff you do…  Good or bad…  Be grateful…  Life is too short…  It really is…  The beauty that I see in those that are on death’s door…  They are the ones that understand this truth…  They are grateful…  Humble…  Scared but kind…  God you have been there in my messiest of times and haven’t forgotten me yet….  This universe is too great and too vast not to be in awe of it and all the wonder it holds… 
Move on…  Heal…  Linger…  Ponder…  Grow. .  Be child like…..  Be who you are in the moment…  Just do something…  Even if all you do is watch…  Just be present…

Consider this….. .    Whatever this is…. 

eddy or whirlpool…

How do you know when you’re making the right or wrong decision? 
I envy people who don’t second guess things a thousand times and let their thoughts swirl about in the minds. This little unassuming eddy that keeps spinning and grows until it is this giant whirlpool of thoughts sucking anything and everything around it. Until it’s the only thing you think about.  What if I make the wrong choice?  What if I hurt people?  What if I get hurt?  What if I end up making the wrong choice and I can never fix it? Omg I am thinking about this too much….  Make it stop.  Does anyone else think this way too? There are so many other things worse than this situation. Why can I not stop worrying?
It’s  common theme.  Fear doubt worry concern… 
Some people are never plagued by it.  And others are tormented to the point of inaction. 
Where do you stand in the midst…  Eddy or whirlpool? 

love is ACTION…

Love is more black and white than we like to tell ourselves. Don’t allow anyone to keep you trapped in the “promise” of the gray area. The bottom line is: If they love you, TRULY love you, they’ll do whatever it takes to be with you. There won’t be excuses or doubts or fears or hesitation. Love is ACTION. Everything else is just words.
~Mandy Hale – The Single Woman

Read this on emma75love’s  blog.  So very very true. 

Words are lovely and we want to hear them because language is how we communicate.  But beyond the words there needs to be actions to back them up.  Otherwise they’re meaningless. 

Hoping for meaningful sincerity in my communication. 

baffling sky…


When all reason and logic fail…  Look up.  There there is beauty beyond all understanding.  How these things form in this what seems to be endless sky.  They feel so close and yet are so far away.  And beyond them are universes we can’t see with our naked eyes.  Whole collections of stars and rocks beyond our wildest imaginations.  Such beauty that we don’t get to experience on a daily basis… Unless you’re an astronaut or astrologer (or some kid working at the astronomy tower lol).

My mind is blown away.  I stood in that field with the wind whipping around and just feeling alive and blessed.  That no matter what may come or what choices I may make,  there is a peace that passes all understanding that I can cling to and hope for.  And only when  I live in fear and doubt,  do I miss seeing it’s bigness,  muchness,  and overwhelming joy. 
Relish the “small”  things like a crazy beautiful sky with clouds and rain and snow and sun.  Fill your life with beauty and see it in the mundane.  In the lives that surround you…  In the words from a friend…  In the melody of a song that just picks your spirits up.  Don’t take those things for granted that seem miniscule, for all those things added up can make a difference in your life.  Speak truth and beauty in another person’s life and put yourself and your wants aside.
Every day is a new opportunity to grow and change and be better…  To be the best version of yourself you can be. 

Live a life that is worth leaving behind for someone else to learn from.

Breathing in that peace…. 

taboo subjects…

I don’t talk about God much but feeling somewhat distant from the one who created all.  Whether anyone believes in him or not that reads this…  I do.  Sometimes I’m afraid of offending people,  so I don’t talk about faith.  But this is supposed to be my place to have a written record of my life.  It’s been officially one year since I started this.  Since I started this aspect of this journey of my life.  I’m so excited to see where I can go,  what I can do,  what I’m capable of…   

Prayer isn’t supposed to be a last resort,  it’s supposed to be a constant conversation.  An ongoing dialogue.  And yet there is this tendency to save it for last.  When I feel scared or lonely or worried,  if I haven’t been keeping this inner conversation,  I feel guilty coming to a place of prayer.  I should be joyful in all things,  but because I’m not connected to him and my faith,  I feel lost and empty. 

So I am taking this anniversary to remind myself of where I was a year ago.  And what I was preparing to do.  And going to take some time to reevaluate my faith and what it means to me.  When I feel afraid I will look to him who knows my heart above all and can heal it in ways no one else can.

Be blessed with each moment and whatever lessons can be learned from them.  Learn to forgive,  to love,  to let go of anger and hatred,  to trust and hope. 


moonlight and madness??


It’s amazing to me when the sun and moon can both be seen.  I know that the moon is always there just waiting its turn but sometimes it boldly shows itself, and you catch glimpses of beauty that makes you quiet.  There were geese that flew across and landed in the lake while I was standing there.  Just amazing little moments.

Take it in…  Whatever it is…  Whatever gives you joy…  Whatever speaks to your heart…  Whatever connects you and grounds you to your soul and all that makes you appreciate life and beauty…  Hold onto those things…  Breathe them in and cling onto them…  Don’t assume they are ordinary moments…  We shouldn’t dwell in the mundane….  Weep a little…  Weep a lot…  But continue to move on and to love and to open your eyes to all the beauty that is around you. 

nurturing my inner child…. working title….

I know I need to write something about what’s going on with my dad…  If nothing else so it’s documented for myself later.  But it’s just a roller coaster of unknowns.  Why at the time of a new job and new horizons,  does this thing happen which almost puts me back to where I was 8 years ago?  I feel like I have to selfishly fight to hold onto whatever I have gained over this past year. 
I don’t want to hash everything out on here…  I’m hoping just by writing this,  I’ll recall it when I’m looking back over things. 

Life is what we make of it.  Good or bad…   shalom…..  In all things…