song of the day…

Don’t know why this song connected with me today, but it did 🙂

https://youtu.be/PUdyuKaGQd4

Advertisements

relationship post…

I was scrolling through my feed and read this beautiful post what a relationship is after butterflies. Relationships are  chemical reactions that go away in the first 3 years.  People keep looking for fireworks and butterflies. But when you think about the people you truly love, family,  friends, etc… You don’t expect those fireworks feelings. So why do we expect them out of a lifelong companion. Love is ever evolving. It grows up, like a child. And like a child you love … You may have loved them differently as a new born, but as they age, you grow to respect them, enjoy their company and friendship. The relationship evolves and changes.  We grow (hopefully)  and our capacity and ability should grow and change. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 
http://didyouknowfacts.com/someone-perfectly-summed-happens-butterflies-go-away-relationship/?utm_content=inf_10_3493_2&utm_source=TSE&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=TSECPC&tse_id=INF_d55bf730969f11e7aba2ffcf7683ccd7

fearless…

What does it mean when someone is fearless? Without fear. That doesn’t take courage, because that exists only when there is fear and we face it anyway. It takes moral and mental strength to be courageous.

Fearlessness is audacious. Although they almost use fearless and courageous synonymously, they really aren’t the same. 

One is by definition facing fear and doing it anyway and the other is to have a lack of fear. Which one requires more conviction? Which one would you admire in someone? 

It would be amazing to have no fear but would it really require much mental thought and growth? Would there be a wisdom that comes with it? Would there be a certain arrogance and immaturity that goes along with fearlessness? 

Just something I have been thinking about. Trying to move and move on in life. Figuring out the next steps. Facing fear and continuing on in spite of or because of it. Each day is a gift; and to waste it being afraid or in regret or in anger “sucks” as my friend said to me today lol. 

I may not be fearless, but I can see fear and face it. I will learn and grow and flourish. I will hope for the best in all situations and accept the worst. I will not let it keep me from realizing my dreams. Life is for living fully!

year…

It’s coming up on one year since my dad passed away. Even if I don’t want to think about him being gone, it looms  around me. I can’t describe it, it’s as if your body knows.  It grieves with or without your permission. You may play, laugh,  enjoy food and times with friends and family. But this unsaid thing wraps itself around you.

I miss my dad so much it hurts to breathe sometimes.  I really haven’t grieved his loss much because I’ve been trying to push through everything.  Working in hospice is difficult enough, but everything else that has gone on there has made it even more tiring.

I look at others who have lost a parent,  had children , worked full time in hospice and still completed their masters.  I’m amazed how they were able to do it. I’m impressed by them.

I’m still trying to figure out my next steps. It’s taking everything to focus on this one class I’m taking. I keep thinking about my dad and how he kept taking classes. He kept his engineering license. It was important to him. Even if it was hard to walk into  class. He wouldn’t take his cane with him, probably because of pride. I hope he would be proud of me. He was a wonderful man, my best friend, a great example.  I miss you dad.

edumycation…

So after getting back from my Europe trip, I signed up for a grant writing class on the 4th of June. Because the best thing to do after a vacation is signing up for a class. 

It may not be towards a Master’s Degree quite yet, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction. 

my heart hurts … July 6th my father passed away peacefully in the morning at his home. So grateful for hospice and all they’ve done … God only knows what we will need … who knew when I started volunteering 2 years ago .. I would be here on this side …  just hurts…